Memories
by attlantica
Summary: Those were the only things that helped him retain his sanity. / Dark themes, cursing.


_**Disclaimer:** This is obviously not mine, it's J.K. Rowling's._

 ** _Word Count:_** _1,773_

 ** _Quidditch League – Kenmare Kestrels Chaser 1 –_** _delicate, blink, announcement. Rolling in the Deep by Adele: "They keep me thinking that we could almost have it all."_

 ** _Drabble Club –_** _dementors_

 ** _Quidditch Pitch –_** _insanity_

 ** _Greek Mythology Mega Prompt Challenge – Andromeda:_** _Write about being imprisoned for something that wasn't their fault._

 **Note:** this was all written so you would cry at some point. Or feel sad. Or cry for my horrible SPaG skills, which you should point out if you see anything as this was not beta'd. If you don't see anything, just review! Those are nice (:

* * *

It was his fault.

He shouldn't have changed the Secret Keeper. It was his fault.

His friends were gone, his life was over, and he became everything he didn't want to be.

A traitor.

It all started when he suspected the wrong person. He was being a judgemental prick and he shouldn't have really suspected his friend just because he was a werewolf. It had always been the rat and it had never been more obvious. That made him so mad.

So now he was stuck in a cell with only sadness, loneliness and dementors to keep him company. They were the cruel reminder of what he had. Compared to now, he had it all, and the dementors just kept reminding him such.

The memories played in his head, trying to keep him sane, but he knew he didn't have much time left. He would succumb to insanity. He would give up.

However, what did help him were his little godson and the memories of his friends. Before the cruel war started, before the cruel times of death, when they were all innocent.

Was the rat ever innocent though?

* * *

 _He looked at the rat with rage. Only a street filled of muggles separating them. The fire in his eyes burning as his heart beat with anger._

 _How could the rat make such things? Wasn't he their friend? He should have trusted Remus!_

 _"_ _You bastard!" called Sirius, making Peter turn around, fear evident in his face._

 _Maybe that lasted about a second when Peter's eyes started burning with anger. Sirius was confused, why would he be angry?_

 _"_ _How could you?" he yelled, various muggles turning to look at him, "How could you betray James and Lily? They trusted you!"_

 _Sirius frowned. He had just underestimated the rat again, just as he had done all of these years. That didn't lessen the pain and anger he felt, and taking out his wand to let it all out in the rat, his world quite literally exploded._

 _Ash clouded his view as he tried to make his way out. Time passed as the cloud of ash dissipated and he could see the damage the traitor had caused._

 _A crater could be visible from everywhere his eyes turned, there were a dozen dead bodies of muggles, and as he tried to see where the traitor had gone, Sirius could swear he saw a rat going down on the broken sewer, but it was gone with a blink of an eye. And that's when he saw it. He cackled and laughed._

 _A single finger lied on the sidewalk just a meter from the crater._

 _A finger._

 _The rat's finger._

 _The laughter continued as Aurors started coming out of nowhere. Some surprised by the damage. Some still happy the war had ended. Some angry with the traitor – which was supposedly Sirius._

 _Sirius should have never underestimated Peter._

 _Aurors seized Sirius as he started sobbing._

 _"_ _I killed them. I killed them."_

* * *

He shivered. The memory was still fresh; a deep cut that had not yet and would never heal.

The sound of dementors neared as Sirius tried to hide in a dark corner of his cell. Fear was overtaking him, calling the dementors to come near him. He had to do something, he had to get away.

His brain went into lockdown, memories overtaking his thought once again.

* * *

 _The starts shone the brightest on Hallowe'en, a fact Sirius came to know as he neared his best friend's house. He could see Canis Major, making him laugh. He could see himself._

 _Not really, but you understand._

 _Walking down the streets on Godric's Hollow, Sirius also came to know another thing. It was strangely quiet._

 _He sprinted into a run for the Potter Cottage, only for his biggest fear to come true._

 _The wreckage was prominent – the ceiling was gone and the Fidelius Charm was too. Tears welled up in his eyes for both his emotions and the smell. Merlin, the smell was horrifying. It reminded him of death and his family._

 _He ran into the house to see what caused Sirius's downfall. The door was wide open so Sirius entered without any problem. Everything inside was in disarray: the sofas were messed up, the coffee table was broken and a body lied in the ground._

 _The cold lifeless body of his best friend._

 _James lied death on the floor._

 _Sirius burst out crying, something so uncharacteristic of him James would have laughed at him._

 _Oh Merlin, James._

 _"_ _No!" yelled Sirius as he jumped near James, taking the body of his best friend in his arms. "You can't do this you fucknut!"_

 _He couldn't be gone; James wouldn't do that to him. James had promised to be with him forever and grow up old with their kids. They would have Sunday dinner every week, joking around and showing the kids to play Quidditch, Lily and Sirius's future wife scolding them. James couldn't be dead!_

 _"_ _Wake up, Prongs!" Sirius slapped James's face over and over again. "Where're Lily and Prongslet?"_

 _Oh shit. Lily and Harry._

 _Sirius dropped James and ran up the stairs. Everything was just as downstairs. Broken tables and mirrors, furniture in disarray and everything as if Harry had bumped into everything with his toy broom. The door to Harry's nursery was open and the cries of a baby came out of it, drawing Sirius to it like a moth to a flame. Maybe there was hope, maybe they were alive._

 _The first thing he saw was Lily lying on the floor, obviously dead. Another one of his friends was gone too; now just cold, and lifeless on the floor._

 _Baby Harry cried without a care for the world from the crib. A large lightning scar now lied on his forehead, a cruel reminder of this horrible day. Sirius walked towards his godson, tears streaming down his eyes._

 _"_ _C'mere, Prongslet." he said to the baby whilst taking him out of his crib like if he was carrying a delicate vase. He was never good at carrying babies. "It's all going be okay," he assured the baby._

 _"_ _Pafoo'!" Harry cried, "Bad man take mummy!"_

 _"_ _Don't worry, Harry, the bad man is gone," Sirius shook his head, "Let's get out of here." He then apparated with Harry out of the cottage._

 _He carried Harry until the baby fell asleep, which was coincidentally when Harry showed up._

 _"_ _Hello Hagrid," Sirius greeted in a whisper, trying to not wake the baby._

 _"_ _It's true then." Hagrid said sadly. "The Potters are dead,"_

 _"_ _Not all," Sirius tried to stay positive, as it would do him better than showing his sadness, "Harry lived."_

 _The half-nodded and said "Yes, there's that. Dumbledore told me to take the baby to him,"_

 _Sirius passed Hagrid the baby. "Please take care of him," he said as a last request, "I have other things to do,"_

 _Now, was Peter even alive?_

* * *

The Dementor was near. Sirius could sense the coldness.

Could he find a way out? It had been months since he was thrown into Azkaban. He had to prove he was innocent.

But he was not innocent. He changed Secret Keepers, he signed James and Lily's death sentence as he did so too.

Sirius was too tired to do anything. He was given shitty food and was treated just like that too. You are what you eat, isn't it right? He shivered from the cold, and all he ever felt now was sadness and anger. He felt sadness for his best friends, and anger for the traitor and this whole goddamn war.

His eyelids felt heavier and heavier as he fell into a deep slumber.

* * *

 _"_ _We have an announcement to make!" called out James. They were at the regular Marauder dinner on Fridays, accompanied by the wonderful Lily._

 _Everyone turned to him. Sirius felt his tummy twist and turn in anticipation. James let out a laugh, his eyes filled with joy. Lily rolled her eyes and simply said, "I'm pregnant,"_

 _Sirius was the first to jump. "Oh shit! Oh my god! Merlin! That's awesome!" he said with a laugh, Remus and Peter soon joining in him. "When are you going to pop out?"_

 _"_ _July, probably August," Lily explained._

 _Sirius ran to the kitchen and took out a bottle of Elf Wine. "Let's celebrate!"_

* * *

Another Dementor neared him on a different day. It was a daily routine now, that's if Sirius could even tell when it was day now. It all just turned grey after three months on Azkaban. The walls were all dull, just like the uniforms, just like the food just like everything he could see. Even the dementors were grey, and it was driving him crazy.

Maybe that's what they wanted to do, but he wouldn't let them. Sirius had to stay strong.

Sirius had to stay strong for Harry.

* * *

 _He dreamt of before._

 _He dreamt of the innocent times._

 _He dreamt of his adventures at Hogwarts – the magical castle with such secrets no one could ever figure out._

 _But he especially dreamt of that first train ride. Two little kids running around from compartment to compartment. Too innocent for there own good but too courageous and troublesome for that too. Then three kids talking about the future, to oblivious of what was to come, and finally four little kids laughing at the adventures all of them had and would have._

 _Sirius dreamt of the happy moments. Lily slapping James, Peter jumping around as a rat, getting Remus drunk, singing at unholy hours when there was a birthday or some random celebration, passing notes at classes, dancing with Minnie, planning and doing pranks, and laughing at every possible time there was._

 _Those were the good times._

* * *

Unfortunately, those times were gone. Now Sirius lied in a grey cell with no one for dementors for company and with no way out. He couldn't tell the guards he was innocent, they wouldn't believe him, and they couldn't ask the Death Eater, they wouldn't say a thing as they were trapped in there just as much as he was.

The only things that kept him sane, the thing that gave him the energy to survive another day was hope, the hope of seeing Harry again.

The dementors reminded him of why he was there, of the day that everything went down the drain. They reminded him of what he could have had, what they would have had if nothing had happened, but one day he would get out, one day he would see the sunshine and the moon once again.

And he would once for all find that traitorous rat.

 _ **and so he did,**_


End file.
